Babies only want to play with a toy another baby is already playing with. My point is we are never getting peace in the Middle East.

• Pitching a sitcom about Lipton, Tetley, Tazo, Nestea, Bigelow, PG Tips and Celestial Seasonings. It's called 'That Seven Teas Show'.
• A strongly worded letter of protest to Darius Rucker's mother for not naming him Fudd.
• There’s nothing more satisfying than the judging exactly the right size of tupperware for your leftovers
• Brawny paper towels have a picture of a lumberjack on the package - that's a picture of a murderer right on the casket of his victim.
• Does "fear of commitment" count towards a handicap parking space?
• MY WEDDING: tetris theme plays as i slowly inch down the aisle, trying to perfectly fit my finger in the ring
• I went to a friend's funeral yesterday, he died after he was hit in the head by a tennis ball. It really was a lovely service.
• Southwest Airlines: The Hunger Games of the skies!