the type of girl who wears tragedy like a flattering outfit

• I'm currently in bed unable to sleep because I can't stop thinking about when Felicity cut her hair off.
• Mr President, we sent every country a large crystal and now war is over. You did it. [camera pans out to reveal president is jaden smith]
• I'm still kinda pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
• I spend so much time alone if I was ever falsely accused for a crime I would never have an alibi.
• "Dear Hotels, stop hiding your electrical outlets. I don't want to move a bed or table to charge something." - Everyone
• I should start a wine company and name the bottles things like "don't be sad" "he's not worth it" "you deserve better"!
• Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.
• *calls hotel front desk* "Hi is the stuff in the mini bar free?" No sir, you will be billed for any- "Someone robbed my mini bar"
• fun drinking game: take a shot of water every couple hours to make sure you’re healthy and hydrated