Shania Twain should name her child ChooChoo.

• Does it irritate my dog that I don't lick him back?
• *watches tv for the first time ever* wow all this incessant product placement is RUINING these delightful 30-second movies
• When I swear not to tell anybody, I never tell more than 3 people.
• Pineapples were such a status symbol in 18th century England that you could rent one for the evening to take to a party.
• "You can spend all your time up there in your ivory tower, me im out here on the streets, firing my gun at the big metal animals going around."
• The good news is that pessimists live longer. This is also the bad news.
• If I was one of the first astronauts on Mars I would pat Curiosity rover on the head like a good dog.
• Do contestants in hotdog eating contests get tested afterwards for marijuana, as a performance enhancing drug?
• Why don't villains spray paint all the bomb wires black?