I before E except after C is another theory disproved by Science

• Breaking news over on Facebook: Lisa hates Mondays and wishes it was Friday again.
• "don't tell her I said that though" -girls
• Sorry I didn't recognize you. I've only seen you on Instagram so I was looking for the person wearing 4 filters and an inspirational quote.
• I have 20/20 vision except when I need to find the "door open" button in an elevator.
• I want to name my first born Kale, as a tribute to the time I tried to eat healthy.
• New PBS series explores sex lives of elephants, kangaroos, dolphins, & orangutans. Funded by "Creepy Viewers Like You."
• Don't you dare put one of them chips in my head!!! Oh, we get 10% off with those? I'll take three. - all of us
• By far, the worst part about being in a relationship is knocking over all the hair care products on the side of the shower
• If your ex keeps driving back and forth in front of your house, don't freak out. I mean, maybe they just can't find parking
• Three months have gone by since a Spider-Man movie was released and I’m starting to worry.
• One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. Of course that other man is a moral fool and a useful idiot for pure evil.
• Future archaeologists will think we lived in nests made of Bed Bath & Beyond coupons and Apple accessory cords.
• A fun summer game is to name all mosquitoes Satan and then watch people freak as you swat at the air yelling BACK SATAN GET BACK