Hate going to the wax museum. People there are so phony.

• This is the perfect time of night to spend three hours wishing you had gone to sleep four hours ago
• Me doing a sit-up is like trying to fold a tennis ball in half.
• I've never read the fine print to anything before signing it first. Saves me tons of time & has only lost me a few million dollars.
• LOL! I pack my running shoes for every vacation as if I'm actually going to use them!
• For women, the inability to say 'I'm sorry' can easily be replaced with the ability to undress quickly.
• A tumbleweed just rolled through my gym membership.
• Hell is just having a never-ending email inbox. No wait, that's life.
• Is your name "studying for finals?" 'Cause I'm not doing you but I should be.