Adam & Eve were the first persons to agree to Apple's terms & conditions without reading them.

I wish I loved anything as much as moms love diet coke.

So embarrassing when you stare into the abyss and the abyss stares back at you so you wave but the abyss was staring at the dude behind you.

Come to Vermont, we put the Vermont in Vermont, we are not good at slogans and we have rats

Cheryl Cole had a "secret wedding", with just family & close friends, and no media. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that just 'a wedding'?

Let's ask the Ouija board a question. Is my wife's meatloaf good? *pointer moves to NO* You see, Debra? No I did not move it myself

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Or engineer a coup and hope the new guy is the change you wish to see.

morgan freeman: most people only use 10% of the brain. imagine if someone used even less (cut to me putting cereal box in the fridge again)

Oh cool you did a thing with a photo that makes it look like you have a twin or i'm looking at 2 mediocre girls.

Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.

Just took Buzzfeed's ˝Which procrastinating jag-off are you?˝ quiz. It was pretty accurate!

I had to stop wearing makeup with glitter in it because of the intense gravitational pull to poles of any kind.

Jack in the Box proves the old saying; you don't need a good product, as long as you have the world's most annoying advertisements.